the cheese nightmare

my first ever guest post!  isn't it exciting.  the author, alex, is a friend of mine whose gourmet cooking would impress even the greatest chefs, critics and institutions on par with le cordon bleu.  i asked him to create a recipe for his creation that he named the cheese nightmare. enjoy!
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The Cheese Nightmare

Ingredients

18 slices bread
18 plastic cheese squares
Extra cheese rectangles (to taste)
Directions

1. First things first.  You are going to want to pick the right cheese which sounds easy but beware.  There are many logical pitfalls to mind whilst attempting to tame the fickle beast that is:  The Cheese Nightmare.  Many people think that Velveeta would be a tasty ingredient however, while Velveeta is excellent for making dips it is simply too runny.  You don’t want to buy generic cheese squares because they taste grossly offensive.  You also don’t want to buy the thicker cheese squares that are separated by wax paper as their heartiness often leads to an inexplicable phenomenon known as “cheese sweat”.  If you don’t believe me go ahead and whip up some ‘mares’ on a first date and see if you get a second.  While the taste is similar the thicker cheese lacks the chemical properties that gives regular plastic cheese its warm inviting glow when presented on a tasty piece of bread.  Kraft American Cheese Slices have time and again proven themselves in the microwave as the go-to cheese for every culinary situation.  I find them to have a nice, piquant after dinner flavor.  Heavy, but with just a touch of mellow smoothness.
2. Step 2 is to choose your bread and here you can really go in any direction.  Picking a unique type of bread will undoubtedly give your cheese nightmare that little something that separates it from all the others.  Keep in mind however, that the heartier bread the more the flavor of the cheese singlet will be masked.  On the other end of the spectrum if you decide to go with thin bread like Wonder, for instance, you risk sogginess which will surely ruin any dinner party.  Indeed choosing the right bread is the most challenging quandary in which one must overcome to make the perfect cheese nightmare.
3. Put the cheese on the bread.  Sounds simple right? Incorrect.  Some breads are oddly shaped and create yet another sticky wicket for you, the gourmet chef, to best.  I have found that when unwrapping the plastic cheese it is best to stop after the first plastic unfurling step and to tear the thin rectangle of exposed cheese away from the main body.  You are left now with a small rectangle and the larger cheese “square”.  You can now use this cheese rectangle to customize your nightmare by placing it where needed to create an equal cheese distribution across the face of the bread.
4. Lay two pieces of paper towels in your microwave (this is to absorb moisture)
5. Put assembled cheese nightmare on paper towel and microwave for 20-30 seconds depending on wattage of microwave
6. Let cool for 30 seconds to 1 minute
7. Consume.  Many words and phrases have been used to describe the feeling after eating a cheese nightmare: sublime; scrumtrulescent, self-actualization.  Whatever type of religious experience you have after eating a cheese nightmare for the first time just remember that the cheese nightmare were created to be shared.  Make them for your friends, family and loved ones so you can all enjoy the experience together. 

trade my spinach for your fusilli

this is a vegetarian pasta recipe that i threw together tonight.  and it was good!

sidebar:  this is not a professional food blog!  it is called amateur's corner, because i am just that, an amateur.  i really just recently (last couple years) began eating vegetables and cooking for myself, so i feel that some context is needed when viewing posts like these that detail (what i think are) great cooking successes. mostly, i post anything and everything i don't want my ADHD mind to forget.  so without further ado, trade my spinach for your fusilli.

i used;
half box of spinach fusilli
8 basil leaves
quarter large onion
two small zucchini
two roma tomatoes
3 stalks celery
one clove garlic (minced)
trader joes marinara sauce
salt, pepper
oregano
olive oil
fresh bread

boil water for pasta

add garlic, onions, olive oil and celery to sauce pan for 5 or so minutes, til onions start getting clearish

add diced tomato, and zucchinis, salt, pepper, oregano to sauce pan for 5 or so minutes

add pasta to boiling water

add marinara sauce to pan, and fresh basil cut up for few more minutes

drain pasta, cover with sauce


serve with cut pieces of bread (drizzled with EVOO) and tomato, mozzarella, and basil.

yummy (serves two hungry people) takes about 25  min.


dude, my blog features many pasta dishes...  it's almost as if i lived in florence, italy for a year and ate nothing but pasta.

taco salad mystery recipe

this salad was amazing, however, i have no idea where the inspiration came from for this.  i can't seem to find the recipe i used and will probably never be able to recreate it exactly. even though i started a blog to record and archive these sorts of things.  i think i really must have a.d.d.   anyway, i know that the dressing was made form lime juice and other things, (honey, but i remember thinking i would 86 the honey on my 2nd attempt)

thank goodness for photos....
ingredients; avacado
corn
chicken
tomatos
red onion
black beans
salsa
tortilla chips
various seasonings
exc..

Penne a la Punk Ass Betsy-- tribute to pioneer woman

this is so so yummy.....  found the recipe on pioneer woman's blog.   i don't know what they were thinking with the amount of heavy whipping cream they used.  i am convinced it is a typo.  I used reg. whipping cream and about a third of what the recipe calls for.  but yummmmmm...dil pickle made a delicious greek salad to go with it.

Here is the recipe from the website

http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2007/09/cooking_with_my_punk-ass_little_sister_penne_a_la_betsy/

Prep Time: 25 Minutes

Cook Time: 25 Minutes

Difficulty: Easy

Servings:

Ingredients

• ¾ pounds Penne Pasta
• 1 pound Shrimp
• 3 Tablespoons Butter
• 3 Tablespoons Olive Oil
• 1 whole Onion (small)
• 2 cloves Garlic
• ½ cups White Wine (or To Taste)
• 1 can Tomato Sauce (8 Oz)
• 1 cup Heavy Cream.......(used 1/3 cup whipping cream)
• Fresh Parsley, to taste .....(i didn't use this, parsley is fluff in my opinion)
• Fresh Basil - To Taste
• Salt To Taste
• Pepper To Taste

Preparation Instructions

Cook the penne pasta until tender-firm, also known as al dente.

Peel, devein and rinse (under cool water) 1 pound of extra large shrimp. Heat about 1 tbsp. butter and olive oil in a skillet. Add the shrimp and cook for a couple minutes until just opaque. Do not overcook them. Remove from heat and let cool for a few minutes. Now, put the cooked shrimp on the cutting board and pull off the tails. Chop the shrimp into bite –sized pieces and set aside.
Finely dice one small onion. Mince two cloves of garlic.

In a large skillet heat 2 tablespoons of butter and 2 tablespoons olive oil. Add the garlic and onion and sauté, stirring occasionally. After the garlic and onions have cooked a bit add your white wine. Let the wine evaporate for a few minutes, stirring occasionally. If you would rather not use wine, you can use low-sodium chicken broth instead (about ½ cup).

Now add an 8-ounce can of plain tomato sauce. Stir well until combined. Then add 1 cup of heavy cream. Continue stirring. Turn heat down to low and let simmer.

Now chop your herbs, about a tablespoon of chopped parsley and about the same amount of chopped basil, or if you’re feeling very proper, chiffonaded.

Now add your chopped shrimp back into the tomato cream sauce. Give it a stir and add salt and pepper to taste. Throw in your herbs and stir until combined. Finally add your cooked penne pasta and give it a good stir. 

potato, onion, veggie burger love

needed to feed me and pickle and have pretty close to no food in the apt. this was simple and delicious.

4 small russett potatoes (thinly sliced)
.5 white onion
pinch of cayenne pepper
vegetable oil (don't be stingy)
1 tsp of minced garlic
salt and pepper (shoop, shoop ba doop)

veggie patty (defrosted- cut up and added at end)
4 big flour tortillas

i put all top ingredients in skillet and cooked on high heat for about 12 min. put veggie burger for about a minute. served on warmed up tortillas with tapatio and ketchup.

so so so good. but,

when i do it all over again, i will put the onion in a few minutes after the potatoes.

amatuer photographer, amatuer cook

so... a few days ago i tried a couple recipes found on veggiebelly. i figured a blog post was necessary to document all the mistakes that were made.

http://www.veggiebelly.com/2009/09/ricotta-stuffed-tomatoes.html




stuffed tomatoes...need i say more, delicious! only mistake was only making 12.


http://www.veggiebelly.com/2008/10/pasta-with-seven-vegetable-sauce-curing-a-canned-food-obsession.html


seven veggie pasta

call me crazy but when i looked at that picture i did not realize i would be making the sauce.... i know amateur mistake. but what can i say, my mom raised me to believe that sauce came from a jar. also silly ol' me didn't realize i would need a blender to puree the cooked vegetables. do not ask me how i thought the vegetables would turn into a sauce, i suppose i thought some magic was involved.

so i set out to the store to buy ingredients and holy cow pine nuts are expensive. so i opted for the almond substitute that my recipe suggested (mistake numero uno). while i was cooking i realized this was going to be a lot of food. so i told dill pickle to invite some hungry former marines over (mistake numero dos). not that i don't enjoy the company of pickles entourage, but when you are experimenting in the kitchen, and it is almost certain that things will go terribly wrong, it is best to not have witnesses.

so, food is bought, guests have confirmed. i begin cooking around 3:oopm (keep in mind dinner sched. for 8:00pm), mostly because i was bored and because there was a lot of dicing in order. that was mistake numero tres. if something takes 5 hrs to make, it probably isn't worth it.

after tomatoes are stuffed with the heavenly concoction that is ricotta, pesto, corn, and garlic. i put those in the fridge and set to work on the pasta. that was when i realized that i needed a blender/ food processor and magic or positive thinking were not going to puree my veggies. pickle suggested to just have a chunky sauce. i pictured a stew atop penne noodles, and since that vision grossed me out, i told him he would have to find me a blender. he went to target and bought one. 20 dollars for blender+ 25 dollars on ingredients= a meal that better be worth 45 dollars

final product, not so great. kind of tasteless. but my awesome apt full of marines ate it up like it was the greatest thing to come out of le cordon bleu. i stole the pictures from the veggie belly website so you can see her polished version. i didn't think about it at the time, but my next culinary experiment will be photographed.

over and out.