the cheese nightmare

my first ever guest post!  isn't it exciting.  the author, alex, is a friend of mine whose gourmet cooking would impress even the greatest chefs, critics and institutions on par with le cordon bleu.  i asked him to create a recipe for his creation that he named the cheese nightmare. enjoy!
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The Cheese Nightmare

Ingredients

18 slices bread
18 plastic cheese squares
Extra cheese rectangles (to taste)
Directions

1. First things first.  You are going to want to pick the right cheese which sounds easy but beware.  There are many logical pitfalls to mind whilst attempting to tame the fickle beast that is:  The Cheese Nightmare.  Many people think that Velveeta would be a tasty ingredient however, while Velveeta is excellent for making dips it is simply too runny.  You don’t want to buy generic cheese squares because they taste grossly offensive.  You also don’t want to buy the thicker cheese squares that are separated by wax paper as their heartiness often leads to an inexplicable phenomenon known as “cheese sweat”.  If you don’t believe me go ahead and whip up some ‘mares’ on a first date and see if you get a second.  While the taste is similar the thicker cheese lacks the chemical properties that gives regular plastic cheese its warm inviting glow when presented on a tasty piece of bread.  Kraft American Cheese Slices have time and again proven themselves in the microwave as the go-to cheese for every culinary situation.  I find them to have a nice, piquant after dinner flavor.  Heavy, but with just a touch of mellow smoothness.
2. Step 2 is to choose your bread and here you can really go in any direction.  Picking a unique type of bread will undoubtedly give your cheese nightmare that little something that separates it from all the others.  Keep in mind however, that the heartier bread the more the flavor of the cheese singlet will be masked.  On the other end of the spectrum if you decide to go with thin bread like Wonder, for instance, you risk sogginess which will surely ruin any dinner party.  Indeed choosing the right bread is the most challenging quandary in which one must overcome to make the perfect cheese nightmare.
3. Put the cheese on the bread.  Sounds simple right? Incorrect.  Some breads are oddly shaped and create yet another sticky wicket for you, the gourmet chef, to best.  I have found that when unwrapping the plastic cheese it is best to stop after the first plastic unfurling step and to tear the thin rectangle of exposed cheese away from the main body.  You are left now with a small rectangle and the larger cheese “square”.  You can now use this cheese rectangle to customize your nightmare by placing it where needed to create an equal cheese distribution across the face of the bread.
4. Lay two pieces of paper towels in your microwave (this is to absorb moisture)
5. Put assembled cheese nightmare on paper towel and microwave for 20-30 seconds depending on wattage of microwave
6. Let cool for 30 seconds to 1 minute
7. Consume.  Many words and phrases have been used to describe the feeling after eating a cheese nightmare: sublime; scrumtrulescent, self-actualization.  Whatever type of religious experience you have after eating a cheese nightmare for the first time just remember that the cheese nightmare were created to be shared.  Make them for your friends, family and loved ones so you can all enjoy the experience together. 

trade my spinach for your fusilli

this is a vegetarian pasta recipe that i threw together tonight.  and it was good!

sidebar:  this is not a professional food blog!  it is called amateur's corner, because i am just that, an amateur.  i really just recently (last couple years) began eating vegetables and cooking for myself, so i feel that some context is needed when viewing posts like these that detail (what i think are) great cooking successes. mostly, i post anything and everything i don't want my ADHD mind to forget.  so without further ado, trade my spinach for your fusilli.

i used;
half box of spinach fusilli
8 basil leaves
quarter large onion
two small zucchini
two roma tomatoes
3 stalks celery
one clove garlic (minced)
trader joes marinara sauce
salt, pepper
oregano
olive oil
fresh bread

boil water for pasta

add garlic, onions, olive oil and celery to sauce pan for 5 or so minutes, til onions start getting clearish

add diced tomato, and zucchinis, salt, pepper, oregano to sauce pan for 5 or so minutes

add pasta to boiling water

add marinara sauce to pan, and fresh basil cut up for few more minutes

drain pasta, cover with sauce


serve with cut pieces of bread (drizzled with EVOO) and tomato, mozzarella, and basil.

yummy (serves two hungry people) takes about 25  min.


dude, my blog features many pasta dishes...  it's almost as if i lived in florence, italy for a year and ate nothing but pasta.

freaky friday!

sorry these thoughts are all over the place.

i've been knitting a lot lately. i have decided since i am living on student loans, knitted gifts for x-mas is a good idea.  plus i found a project that i am so excited about and everyone who is anyone would love.  knitted beer koozie with strap.  take a look at the pictures below, jealous right!  ofcourse right now it takes me about 4 hours to make one. :0  also bought a guide to knitting so i can hone my awesome skills.  knitting, it's not just for you grandma!

this is a picture of my friend and the beginning of my knit koozie obsession.  see, don't they look happy!  don't you sometimes wish you didn't have to hold your beer. well, problem solved.


lately i had 4 beautiful house guests.  friends of mine that i met while studying abroad in italy came to visit me for my birthday and the fun was epic.   see picture! went to my and pickle's favorite sushi restaurant and a piano par, where i got stupid drunk got called on stage and made an amazingly good ass out of myself. :)

 

here we are at stone brewery in escondido, beer tour and best lunch ever.

now i am behind on school work, so i will probably disappear from this blog for another month.


went to whole foods for the first time today (hungry hungry hippie inspired me).  i bought so much food, from the deli got a jicama slaw and seasonal squash quinoa, both were delicious.  got butternut squash, hummus, tons of broccoli and cans of pumpkin (not sure what i am going to do with those yet). it was like disneyland for adults who love healthy food.

bought a thick yoga mat..... must start exercising!

So to add to my very long list of things i am trying to learn.  knitting, spanish, blogging, photography, cooking, guitar.....

amatuer photographer, amatuer cook

so... a few days ago i tried a couple recipes found on veggiebelly. i figured a blog post was necessary to document all the mistakes that were made.

http://www.veggiebelly.com/2009/09/ricotta-stuffed-tomatoes.html




stuffed tomatoes...need i say more, delicious! only mistake was only making 12.


http://www.veggiebelly.com/2008/10/pasta-with-seven-vegetable-sauce-curing-a-canned-food-obsession.html


seven veggie pasta

call me crazy but when i looked at that picture i did not realize i would be making the sauce.... i know amateur mistake. but what can i say, my mom raised me to believe that sauce came from a jar. also silly ol' me didn't realize i would need a blender to puree the cooked vegetables. do not ask me how i thought the vegetables would turn into a sauce, i suppose i thought some magic was involved.

so i set out to the store to buy ingredients and holy cow pine nuts are expensive. so i opted for the almond substitute that my recipe suggested (mistake numero uno). while i was cooking i realized this was going to be a lot of food. so i told dill pickle to invite some hungry former marines over (mistake numero dos). not that i don't enjoy the company of pickles entourage, but when you are experimenting in the kitchen, and it is almost certain that things will go terribly wrong, it is best to not have witnesses.

so, food is bought, guests have confirmed. i begin cooking around 3:oopm (keep in mind dinner sched. for 8:00pm), mostly because i was bored and because there was a lot of dicing in order. that was mistake numero tres. if something takes 5 hrs to make, it probably isn't worth it.

after tomatoes are stuffed with the heavenly concoction that is ricotta, pesto, corn, and garlic. i put those in the fridge and set to work on the pasta. that was when i realized that i needed a blender/ food processor and magic or positive thinking were not going to puree my veggies. pickle suggested to just have a chunky sauce. i pictured a stew atop penne noodles, and since that vision grossed me out, i told him he would have to find me a blender. he went to target and bought one. 20 dollars for blender+ 25 dollars on ingredients= a meal that better be worth 45 dollars

final product, not so great. kind of tasteless. but my awesome apt full of marines ate it up like it was the greatest thing to come out of le cordon bleu. i stole the pictures from the veggie belly website so you can see her polished version. i didn't think about it at the time, but my next culinary experiment will be photographed.

over and out.